Evidence.

Show me the money! Don’t talk about it, be about it. What have you done for me lately!?

Have you ever second-guessed something or someone that you strongly believed in? How did it end up for you? Did you abandon it or them completely or were you able to regain your confidence?

I’m a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, for over 17 years. I came to Christ hoping that I would learn how to be a good father. I was only 19 years old when my son was born. Still, I took inventory of my life at that time, saw that I wasn’t going to change in the surroundings that I was in, and decided that I needed more.

I became a Christian. So I read my bible, started wearing ties and shoes, learned all of the hottest gospel music, worked on my shouting step, and I married a pastors daughter.

I put Christianity on with the best intentions, but it didn’t fit. For years, years, I tried putting Christianity on, not even knowing what it all meant. I even dabbled in an Islam-Christian fusion, in the beginning, just looking for some level of understanding into a sustainable life. But, it didn’t fit.

I would get married again….because surely, God did not want me to be alone. It’s not good for man to be alone the Bible says, and I felt alone. But…again, it didn’t fit.

Fast forward to February 2017, I’m married….again, and for about 3 years and some change this time. My faith was high, situations were looking up, but oddly, I was now contemplating whether or not I’d actually become a Christian. 15 years into my faith journey and I’d somehow convinced myself that maybe…maybe I wasn’t a Christian. How could I be? I mean, I’d made so many stupid, narrow-minded mistakes. A follower of Christ is supposed to have the Holy Spirit dwelling within him, leading and guiding him into all truth and righteousness, but me, I’d made too many mistakes. The crazy thing was, the fit, yo, the Christian fit, now? Best it’s ever been.

But did I become a Christian or did I just grow up enough to not make the same mistakes over and over again? Was the power of Christ really present in my life? Am I even forgiven? Did God’s good plan include people like me? I was beginning to feel like I’d fumbled my way into some level of normalcy, because there is no way that God’s plan for my life would include so much dysfunction, right? I found myself asking for more evidence. Was I forgiven? Have I ever really exercised my faith, and had God ever met me as a result?

What would happen in the next 6 months was by far, one of, or maybe the most pivotal season in my faith journey.

It’s October 2017, I went on my first missions trip to Krakow, Poland. 3 months earlier my wife suggested it and I jumped at the opportunity. I’d heard all of the testimonials of those that had gone before and how it changed their life, I was very interested in seeing for myself.

Ten Day missions! “Ten days will change your life”, the banner on the website says. Fast forward again….the 10 days end. I’d seen more than a few miraculous things happen during the trip, I’m astounded actually. We’re having our final meeting, but not a single person had accepted Christ on my watch, zero. Just as I’d come to terms with my fate of being, “ineffective”, an image flooded my thoughts. I see a sledgehammer being slammed into a freshly dried patch of cement…and the impression I got, was that this was the effect of each of the conversations I’d had with someone on the missions trip. The word of God, breaking fresh ground in the hearts of these individuals whose hearts were freshly cemented in other belief systems.

Who am I, that He would reassure me? Over, and over, and over. Yahweh, the I Am, Jehovah…reassured me. He heard me and responded. Not because of a single thing I had done but maybe because I didn’t turn away in my doubt but I instead continued to turn to Him with my heart open, maybe that was it. Maybe Matthew 7:7-8, is on to something.

I have learned that, yes, this life can include tragedy and dysfunction but if anyone can turn ashes into beauty, it’s the God from the beginning. My testimony after the Ten Days mission trip to Krakow, Poland? God has given me more than enough evidence to trust Him in anything He’d ask me to do going forward.