Disqualified.

When I was about 12 years old, there was a male kid in my 7th grade class that was somewhat feminine, I didn’t know him that well. Myself, I was into creative arts early, I would be in plays, and recite poetry from Langston Hughes. In this same class were a group of kids that called the other guy and I, derogatory names that referred to being homosexuals. This went on for a couple of years.  Now, we all came from the same neighborhoods. None of us were living the Life Styles of the Rich and Famous. Still, me and this other guy were singled out, made fun of, and disrespected.

What would normally happen is that kid and I would form a team, then we’d only let like minded people onto our team. The disqualified, the disregarded, the disrespected, they’d all join our team! We would no longer have to be alone or fend for ourselves, we’d be apart of something, we’d have “our people”. 

But something different happened. The other kid never spoke and neither did I. I would eventually leave the music club and everything associated with it. I started picking fights, played sports, dated as many girls as I possibly could. I did everything in my power to not be picked on, disregarded, or disqualified. 

Fast forward to becoming a Christian at 19. Trying to fit into any environment is challenging, but here’s what made trying to do life in a Christian environment challenging for me. 

1. I already expected to be judged harshly. 
2. Truth is, I wasn’t judged but I was being assessed. It was like any new environment you go into. Still feels like being judged though. 
3. More expectations. I expected a lot from “church people”. Most of it was pretty bad. My friends would say, “All they want is your money. They’re all fake. They worship white Jesus”. I’d heard each of the stereotypes. 
4. Often times, people shy away from the disqualified in church. Too messy and takes too much time. Then its, where’s so-and-so and what’s her face?
5. When I attempted to “fit in”, I lost the purpose of why I was drawn to God in the first place. Which somewhat led to Church being just another place I was disqualified from. 

Funny thing is, there are a number of legitimately disqualified people in the bible that God used to do His will. I’ve been a Christian for 18 years and I’m legitimately disqualified, yet this is something that I’ve finally understood within the last 2 years. He really does give grace to the humble(Proverbs 3:25). To the people that have said, we are punished justly, for we are getting what we deserve(Luke 23:41). 

God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, 29 so that no one may boast before him. 30 It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31 Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” -1 Corinthians 1:28-31

There are so many groups that you and I are not qualified to be in, and there are groups where we do qualify, but have no desire to be affiliated with for whatever reason. Among people, in this life, there will always be some sort of divide. I’m learning not to take it personally. I’m learning that it’s not my life’s journey to live by the measuring stick of people also. At the same time, my compassion and empathy for people has grown and continues to grow. Those children from long ago, came from broken homes, broken communities.  There are so many of us that desire to be known, needed, to be relevant, to be accepted. It’s a brokenness that is not lost on God, so He calls us to each other through Himself(1 John 4:20, John 13:35). 

There is grace for the disqualified, welcome to the team, I’m so glad I get to serve alongside you. 

I wanted to unpack a lot in this one blog but decided not too. If you come across a statement of mine that you’d like me to unpack more, like, what’s grace, why are we drawn to God, leave a comment below!